Why Emotional Intelligence Matters So Much at Work

Relationships and workplace interactions are a big part of being successful in the business world. Knowing how to interact with others helps ensure this. Organizations are looking for more than the job applicant’s technical skills—they’re looking for employees, managers and leaders who have high emotional control, build trust with other workers and inspire employee loyalty.

In Episode 2: Ramp Up Your Emotional Intelligence of our Career Strategies for Working Women podcast, I recently sat down with emotional intelligence expert, Patty Wyatt, to ask her about this crucial skill and share advice on how to increase emotional intelligence in the workplace.

 

Markey: Before we dive in, I’d like to clear up the multitude of definitions for emotional intelligence. What exactly is emotional intelligence?

Wyatt: We often want to be the smartest person in the room rather than the most connected person, but when we connect with others, that’s where the magic happens. If I’m leaning in and present, I understand my team members and know who’s having a bad day and how they are being affected. Emotional intelligence is not about your personality, but rather your awareness of it. It is also your ability to be focused on others and aware of how someone else is feeling.

 

Markey: In business today, we place a lot of value on technical skills and productivity, but it’s such an important notion to be human as well. Is being emotionally intelligent the same as being emotional?

Wyatt: Absolutely not. Someone who is emotionally intelligent can regulate his or her emotions. There are the stereotypes that women are more emotional than men, which is not the same as emotional intelligence. As emotionally intelligent people, crying is OK. Maybe you are in a board meeting and your emotions are welling up, but you’re trying to hold it in, so you don’t lose credibility. I’ve seen very strong leaders cry in front of me. I think it actually can humanize the situation.

 

Markey: What skills should an emotionally intelligent manager have?

Wyatt: Know your strengths and weaknesses. If I know my strengths, I can surround myself with people who have complementary strengths. By knowing my employees well, I’m able to use them to their potential. Also, we all have psychological needs—competency, community and autonomy. When you understand people, you can make sure their psychological needs are met.

 

Markey: Do you see a difference between the emotional intelligence of males and females?

Wyatt: There’s a good deal of research on this. Some of the research shows women have a little more empathy, and they are more nurturing. EQ is a skill, not a personality trait, so it can be learned. While the research says there’s not necessarily a difference, I believe women practice it more. They can be in a board room where a crisis is happening, then get a call from a child who can’t find his soccer uniform. We’re able to lean in, be empathetic and still put out fires in the board room.

 

Markey: For anyone in a leadership position, it seems particularly critical to have high emotional intelligence. Do you have any suggestions on how we can nurture this early on?

Wyatt: I really think practicing EQ at a young age helps. A couple things I do with my kids each day is ask them to name three things they’re grateful for and who they’re going to value today. We also talk about the little things we do that show you value someone.

 

Markey: What about for your employees? Is there a correlation between emotional intelligence and job performance?

Wyatt: Productivity and the qualities that make up emotional intelligence can be hard to measure, but there is research linking the two. Basically, if you’re showing up to work and your psychological needs are being met, you’re going to produce, make good gut decisions when you need to and build strong relationships with your colleagues.

 

Markey: As a manager, I’d like to model this for my team. What can I do as a leader, instead of just letting it happen organically, to help my team gain emotional intelligence?

Wyatt: When leaders show up well, it shows in the team. One leader put a huge calendar on the wall, and team members would mark the calendar with what they were feeling. I know this seems touchy-feely, but research tells us that being able to label our emotions helps us become more self-aware. Also replacing “I’m frustrated” with “I feel frustrated” can help us identify feelings rather than making them who you are.

 

Markey: I also like to make sure people have a voice, so they know they’re valued. I feel that the more people can have dialogue and stay connected, the more we can raise our EQ collectively.

Wyatt: Absolutely. The organic way of helping people become more emotionally intelligent is letting them have a voice. Even though they may not get their way, they at least have their say. Research shows that 90 percent of people want feedback at work. When you’re listening and able to respond to them, that’s feedback. It helps them feel like they matter.

 

Markey: There isn’t much focus placed on emotional intelligence in our education system. How can we start modeling this for people as soon as they enter the workplace?

Wyatt: Get them trained. When I started training on this topic, I had that “ah-ha” moment where I thought to myself, “I need to apply some of these significant skills.”

 

Markey: Have you seen any trends or evolution in this area?

Wyatt: There does seem to be a cultural shift and more research on emotional intelligence now. My son’s recent job interview process included a personality assessment. Companies want to see that employees have more than just technical expertise. Is that email they’re sending going to offend someone? How will they get along with their co-workers? Will they be motivated?

As human beings, we can’t always control how something makes us feel. But we can learn to recognize those feelings and control how we react. We can also learn to read other people and interact in a way that builds strong relationships and fosters trust. That’s emotional intelligence. And it’s a skill worth learning and practicing.

 

Listen to the full podcast: Ramp Up Your Emotional Intelligence.