How to Handle the Difficult People You Work With as an Administrative Professional

Think back to someone from your youth who you just didn’t mesh with in school.

Perhaps someone in college who avoided work on group projects, but always showed up when it was time for the spotlight – the final presentation, rubbing elbows with someone important. They’d get the same grade as the rest of the team while putting in a quarter of the work.

It’s 2023 and we’re all grown up now. Some of these challenging personalities have matured, shedding insecurities and contrary behavior. Others are working shoulder to shoulder with you in the workplace, remarkably (and disappointingly) unchanged.

But you’ve got a leg up. You’ve matured and are less affected. But that doesn’t mean we couldn’t all use a bit of advice for the most difficult of these characters.

 

Is it a personality difference or a truly difficult person?

Personality differences are common in any group. And when it’s a matter of personalities, tolerance is often the best course of action. Assume the best of people. Practice self-awareness as you consider your own part in difficult situations or interactions. By making small concessions and adjustments to your behavior, little annoyances or differences won’t affect how you work together.

That said, terrifically difficult people do exist in every office: The colleague who takes credit for your work or ideas, a co-worker who subtly undermines your reputation with the boss, someone who belittles you, dumps their work on you, or regularly showers you with complaints, gossip or conspiracy theories about your employer.

These individuals can drain your energy and wreck your days in the office if you don’t address the behavior. By objectively considering the situation, rehearsing what you’ll say and then facing your tormentor, you can resolve the issues. This can be uncomfortable. It will take tact and diplomacy, especially if you want to preserve a work relationship that’s instrumental to getting your job done.

 

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Here’s some general advice for conversations with difficult people at work (including a few from Colleen Seward Ryan, speaker, author, podcaster; and speaker Bill Marlow, both trainers for SkillPath):

1. Meet privately. No one responds well when confronted in public. So, avoid defensive responses by talking alone and one-to-one at an agreed upon time.

2. Always give the benefit of the doubt. Don’t start these conversations with accusations. Instead try to address the issues with an open mind and curiosity about what’s happening. This open-minded approach offers you the opportunity to clear things up without jeopardizing the relationship.

3. Address one problem at a time. Don’t cloud the issues by talking about everything this person does that annoys you. Keep it to one topic.

4. Don’t expect immediate resolutions. If you speak with someone about behavior that is troubling, don’t rush the conversation. It’s acceptable to pick a time to revisit the subject again later if tension escalates. Say something like, “Jim, I can see I’ve upset you and that is not my intent at all. Would it work for you to talk about this a little more tomorrow, maybe at 10?”

5. Stay calm and objective. If you’re initiating the conversation after you’ve waited a while to speak up about something that’s bothering you, you may be emotional. However, try to keep your remarks as objective as possible. “Jim, I noticed in yesterday’s meeting that you took credit for the work we did together. Since I did most of the front-end research, can you explain what made you say that?” If you’re on the receiving end of a confrontation, remember QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally). And if it is a personal attack:

6. Consider the source. Most likely, these individuals are insecure and are belittling YOU to make themselves feel better. Ask yourself if this is a pattern. Sometimes they have simply been allowed to get away with it and the behavior has been enabled.

7. Ask clarifying questions to increase understanding and encourage two-way discussion. Summarize what the other person says to show you understand. To signal your understanding (but not your agreement), try something like: “So, you’re thinking that the research was separate from the rest of the project, is that right?” “Can I ask how you would have done the project without the research?”

8. Make requests (rather than ultimatums) for a resolution. Ask the other person how they feel you could work together to resolve the problem. If the individual is stoic, have something in mind and make your request nicely: “Jim, can you tell our boss about my role in the project. I think that would help make things right.”

 

Work life in many occupations involves interactions with a variety of people. Tolerance is often warranted. But, when behavior crosses the line, push yourself to speak up. With each conversation, you will grow better at navigating difficult people in the office.

 

 

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