Cunning Tips on How to Defeat ... The Office Lingerer!

Let me just be blunt: Some people don’t know how to leave. We’ll be having a perfectly pleasant conversation, it’ll run its course, I’ll be ready to get back to work, and the other person just stands outside my cubicle. I can’t leave; I’m already at my desk. They won’t leave. Now I’m engaged in a workplace stand-off. Things would be so much easier if I didn’t like this person, but I do. I don’t want to hurt their feelings or be rude. What do I do?

I like to refer to these people as The Lingerers. It’s an affectionate term for someone who doesn’t recognize when you’re trying to end a conversation. While this sounds like an old Seinfeld episode, it’s a very real problem for many workers around the world*. Since this is a problem for so many people, I’ve compiled a list of (polite) ways to tell your chatty co-worker to buzz off.

Well…

This is usually your first line of defense. “Well, I should get back to it.” Sometimes just leaving it at, “Well…” will get through to the person taking up your time. However, sometimes, they will nod and say, “Yep,” and then follow that up with yet another thing they just remembered they wanted to tell you.

Con: You probably feel like you’re being ignored. Don’t they realize I’m trying to end the conversation? Do my feelings not matter to them? This is frustrating. That frustration tends to build up over time, leading to emotional outbursts in situations it’s not warranted. I think we can all agree this is not a good outcome.

Pretend to check your email

Pretend you just saw a very important email pop up out of the corner of your eye. “Oh. I was waiting for this person to email me back. Sorry, I have to check this.” Done. They might hang around a little longer, but chances are they’ll back away once they know you’re no longer engaged in the conversation.

Con: It may seem like an easy, non-confrontational way to deal with The Lingerer, but turning your back on someone with a thin excuse is rude. That thing you were trying to avoid being?

Form an alliance

Find a co-worker who works close to you (proximity is important with this one). Form an alliance where you both agree to look out for people who linger around each of your desks for too long, or you hear the other person try to end the conversation to no avail. This way, you have someone who can come over and interrupt the conversation with “work.” Work that magically gets solved the second The Lingerer is out of earshot.

Con: What happens when your ally is in a meeting or sick?

Pretend you’re dead

“You’re looking for Sam? Why, Sam’s been dead for three years!”

“But, you’re Sam.”

“Nope. Common mistake though.”

Con: Your picture is probably in the company directory. The Lingerer will never be convinced. Even if you claim to be a twin.

Actually talk to them

Effective and straight-forward communication is hard for many people. We’re afraid of coming off as rude, of the other person getting mad at us, of any number of horrible outcomes we’ve convinced ourselves will happen if we just tell someone what we’re thinking. But the truth is no one will ever know what you’re thinking unless you tell them. If someone is bothering you and subtlety is a little too, well, subtle, try addressing the problem.

“I should finish this email before I lose my train of thought. Can we pick this up later?”

“I love talking to you, but I really need to get back to work. Maybe we could pick this conversation back up at lunch?”

“I am in the middle of something right now, but I’m interested in what you have to say. Will it bother you if I type as you talk?”

Anything that kindly lets The Lingerer know you need to end the conversation, or that you’re busy, should do the trick. At the very least, it will let you focus on something else while they get whatever they need to off their chest.  

Con: It feels awkward.

Telling The Lingerer that you need the conversation to be over is by far the most respectful way to handle this sort of situation. If it feels awkward, that’s a good thing! That just means you’re emotionally competent enough to not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. The truth is, they probably won’t be hurt in the slightest. They’ll be glad you respected them enough to openly communicate your needs to them, and most people are only happy to make other’s lives easier. Plus, communication is a skill that can be practiced and improved upon like any other. Once you do this a couple of times, you won’t even think twice about it. Happy communicating, and good luck! 

*I did not include numbers because I have done no quantitative research on this subject.