Collaborative Language: Are You Using the Right Words with Difficult Customers?

If you spend any time at all in customer service, you’re bound to encounter a dissatisfied client. And in a highly competitive business environment, where 52% of customers will switch to a competitor after just one bad experience, you’ll need to do all you can to resolve the issue.

Their complaint – about a product, service, policy or procedure – might be legitimate. It might not. Maybe the truth lies somewhere between. But before you can resolve the issue, you need to know what it is.

The best way to do that is to de-escalate the situation. Here are three ways to do that:

Practice active listening to identify and clarify the issue

That means allowing the customer to speak their piece without interrupting. They’re already coming to you with a lot of pent-up frustration, and cutting them off – even if you think they’re in the wrong – will only turn up the emotion and prolong the process of reaching the best possible resolution.

Avoid anything that sounds even the least bit confrontational. For instance, never start your paraphrase with “So you’re telling me …” You’re already dealing with someone who’s on edge and in a confrontational mood. If your question suggests – even without meaning to – that you doubt their story, that’s not going to help things.

Using the right language: get clarity without confrontation

Of course, you still need to make sure you understand what the other person is saying. It’s all in how you ask, though. Wording like this comes off as far less confrontational:

“I want to make sure that I’m understanding this so we’re on the same page. So from what I understand, the issue is …”

Then, in your own words, repeat your understanding of the issue back to the customer. This lets the other person know that you’re actively trying to see things from their perspective. It also allows the other person to clarify any misunderstandings without feeling that they’ve been put on the spot.

Use collaborative, solution-oriented language

What made the less confrontational wording more empathetic? The key is in the usage of “I” and “we” to take the burden off the other person and emphasize collaboration.

This is important not only in identifying the root cause of an issue, but also in moving forward to resolve it. Emphasize that you and your organization are actively looking to help, and avoid placing the burden of resolving the issue on the customer – even if there are steps they should take as part of the process.

• Not helpful: “You need to go to that window over there.”
• Helpful: “We’ll be glad to help you at Window 3. It’s right over there.”
• Not helpful: “Did you fill out the proper forms?”
• Helpful: “Let’s look at the paperwork and make sure everything’s here.”

The difference is obvious. In each case, the first example shifts any responsibility from you and your organization to the customer. The second example makes you an active partner in reaching a solution. Which one is more likely to defuse an already-stressful situation?

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Maintain an energetic and helpful tone of voice. Vary your pitch and avoid speaking in a monotone, which makes you sound bored or disinterested. Avoid a sarcastic tone as well.

Focus on what can happen, not on what can’t

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you won’t be able to resolve the issue to the customer’s satisfaction. Even when this happens, it’s important to continue using positive, empathetic and collaborative language. If people feel that you’ve done everything you can to help them, rather than being dismissive (even if they’re in the wrong), this can take some of the sting out of their disappointment.

• Not helpful: “That’s not my department, so I can’t help you.”
• Helpful: “Let me get you to the people who can help you better than I can.”
• Not helpful: “I can’t fix this. You’ll have to come back later when someone’s here who knows how to do it.”
• Helpful: “This isn’t something I’m qualified to work on, and unfortunately our technician isn’t in at the moment. I can either set up an appointment now, or if you’d like to leave your contact information, I can have the technician reach out to you.”

The importance of empathy and collaboration can’t be overstated when dealing with an upset customer. Think of how you would want to be treated, and act accordingly. By keeping a helpful, positive mindset and using language to match, you can go a long way toward de-escalating a tense situation.

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