Are you being “breadcrumbed” at work? Know the signs of manipulation

Love bombing. Gaslighting. Ghosting. Breadcrumbing.

Spend any time at all in a discussion about relationships, and it won’t be long before at least one of those words or phrases pops up. They’re all manipulation tactics, designed to give one partner – or would-be partner – the upper hand in a relationship.

They’re not confined to any one sort of relationship, either. You can find love bombing, gaslighting, ghosting and breadcrumbing in friendships, in family relationships, in group dynamics, and at work.

In three of these situations, attention – the amount paid or withheld – is weaponized against the person receiving it. Initially, the manipulator “love bombs” the other person with attention and affirmation. For a new hire who’s trying to fit in, these can be heady feelings. They feel noticed, important and valued.

So when the manipulator asks a target to stay late and work off the books, or starts to angle for an inappropriate personal relationship, the targeted person can feel a sense of obligation. Don’t they owe this person who’s been so nice to them?

In a word, no. Love bombers only keep up the act until they get what they want, or it becomes clear that they won’t get what they want. Then one of two things happen.  

They either ghost the other person – which, in a work context, looks less like completely vanishing and more like freezing the ghosted person out of important conversations, never being available for one-on-one meetings, and displaying a complete lack of interest in their work and career progress.

Or, if they consider the target to still be useful in certain situations, they’ll use a combination of love bombing and breadcrumbing – the tactic of giving just enough attention and encouragement to keep the other person dependent and engaged.

Breadcrumbing in the workplace: What does it look like?

It might look like an endless string of interviews with no hiring decision in sight. You’re the perfect candidate (love bombing), but you just need to meet with one more executive … then one more department head … then one more member of the hiring staff. This one is especially insidious when used on someone who’s been looking for work for an extended time, because even tentative hope provides a reason to jump through hoop after hoop.

It might manifest into promises of a promotion, a raise, a better office, more interesting work, a valuable mentorship, or a coveted spot on an influential committee; anything that would keep you around. The funny thing, though, is that for some reason – and there’s always a ready explanation – it’s never “the right time” for any of these things to actually happen. But it absolutely will happen, and you’re absolutely the best person for it.

Or it could be that you actually get some of these things, especially if you’re a valued employee who doesn’t shy away from pushing for what you’ve been promised. Even so, what you get will never be exactly as promised, and never as much as or more than was promised. There’s a raise, but not enough in the budget to get what you really deserve and what they really want to give you. There’s a job opening that you’d be great for – not the one you really want nor the one that’s been promised to you, but it will prepare you to eventually take over that job. Someday. They promise.

What can you do if you’re being breadcrumbed at work?

First, make sure that’s what’s actually happening. One or two deferrals, especially in different areas and with specific timeline adjustments offered, shouldn’t be a cause for concern. Things happen, and other things then have to be put off. But if it’s a repeated pattern, with promises that things will happen “soon” or “when the time is right,” you’re being breadcrumbed.

Direct confrontation with manipulators is rarely productive. If they’re good at breadcrumbing, they’ll likely be skilled at gaslighting as well. They’ll convince you that the fault is yours, make you doubt your own worth to the company – and have you in a perfect position to put up with more manipulation down the road.

---

Do you work with difficult people? Click here for more ways to protect yourself from toxic behavior

---

If this is endemic where you work, develop an exit strategy – the quicker the better – and don’t be swayed by pleas that the company can’t afford to lose you. That’s just more love bombing, and nothing will change. But if the manipulator is an aberration in your company, it might be useful to set up a meeting with someone in Human Resources to discuss your career path. Without making accusations of manipulation, lay out these three things:

• Your goals
• What you’ve been promised
• What has and hasn’t happened

Then ask if there’s a way to get your progress on track with what you’ve been told and where you want to be, and push for a concrete follow-up date to discuss that issue.

If you can’t get a clear answer even then, walk away. It might be scary. It might be hard, but the negative effect on your mental and physical health of staying in a manipulative environment like that is overwhelming. Your well-being is worth more than a paycheck. Value yourself accordingly.

---

Ready to learn more? Check out some of SkillPath's live virtual training programs, on-demand video training or get it all with our unlimited eLearning platform.